Bailout

This morning, I went to my sock drawer to find out that I was completely out of socks. The drawer was empty, much to my surprise, since over the past three weeks it has averaged half full. No one could have seen this coming.

The problem seems to be that all of my current sock assets are tied up in the dirty laundry pile. It's strange to be in this situation where I have plenty of socks, but I'm simply unable to pay out more socks at the moment because the socks I have are not liquid.

My problem is liquidity, not solvency!

That's why I'm asking the federal government for $130 Billion to purchase new socks and hopefully take some of my illiquid socks off the books (the floor).

It's a miracle!

Pastor deflects a gunshot with a bible. Nothing short of a miracle. Fucking atheists need more proof in God than that?

Oh. That's not fair, right? "The man died, have some respect."

So what would the headline have been if the shooter's gun had jammed after the first shot instead of after the fourth? When a plane crashes and the carefully trained flight attendants get everyone out without injury: a miracle. When god fails to deliver a miracle for a man of the cloth on his holy day?

You're right. I forgot. I should only ever talk about good things that happen in this world.